Cptsd: How Unhealed Trauma Keeps the Authentic You Locked Away—and What You Can Do About It

Is Your Protective Self Living Your Life for You?

 If you’ve ever felt like you’re watching your life happen from the sidelines…

Like there’s a version of you beneath the surface that rarely gets to show up…

Like something is driving you while the real you is trapped in the backseat…

You’re not alone—and you’re not crazy.

You’re just living from your protective self.

As someone who’s lived through childhood trauma and now helps others heal through somatic experiencing, I want to gently pull back the curtain and show you why this happens—and how you can begin coming home to your real self again.

First, What Is the Protective Self?

Your protective self is an adaptation of your authentic self.  It's not who you truly are but rather, who you HAD to be in order to survive when life wasn't safe.. 

It developed in response to trauma—especially the kind that happened over time, like emotional neglect, abuse, or growing up in a home where you had to walk on eggshells.

 This part of you became hyper-aware, people-pleasing, numb, anxious, angry, perfectionistic—whatever it needed to be to get through.

But here’s the problem:

It doesn’t know the danger is over.

It’s still driving your body like its going through a war zone without realizing the war.... is over.

Meanwhile, your authentic self—the part of you that’s creative, calm, playful, deeply loving—is locked in the trunk, quietly waiting for permission to come out.

Five Ways Your Protective Self Is Running Your Life

 Let’s explore how this shows up—so you can begin to recognize it in your own life:

1. You’re living from your midbrain, not your prefrontal cortex. 

When trauma goes unhealed, the survival part of your brain—the limbic system—takes over.

This is the part that says run, freeze, fight, or fawn. It reacts, it panics, it loops.

 Meanwhile, your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for logic, reflection, and creativity, gets sidelined.

 So instead of feeling empowered to make conscious decisions, you find yourself spiraling, zoning out, or saying “yes” when you mean “no.”

It’s not a character flaw—it’s a trauma pattern.

 2. You mistake trauma responses for personality traits.

You might find yourself saying:

• “I’m just bad at relationships.”
• “I’ve always been a people-pleaser.”
• “I can’t handle conflict.”
• "I have to isolate to feel safe."

You think this is 'you' but these are not personality traits; they're nervous system states. They are not who you are—they’re who your body had to become to feel safe.

 When you live from your protective self, it can feel like there’s no other option.

But there is. You just haven’t met that version of yourself yet.

 3. You rely on coping strategies to heal instead of connection.

 Whenever a vulnerable emotion from the unhealed trauma from the past comes up into your body, your protective self doesn't connect to it - rather it tries to get you to DO something instead of feeling the emotion.

To the protective self, true connection, even self connection, feels risky.

So instead, we reach for control, overachievement, constant busyness, emotional numbness, or staying invisible.

 These strategies may have helped you survive—but they’re not helping you thrive.

 They’re the emotional equivalent of eating cotton candy: sweet at first, but not nourishing your deeper needs.

4. You scan for danger instead of love.

When you live in survival mode, your nervous system becomes a 24/7 threat detector.

Even in safe environments, your body is bracing for something to go wrong.

You overthink texts. You replay conversations. You avoid intimacy or feel overwhelmed by it.

This is called hypervigilance, and it’s a nervous system on high alert—not because you’re broken, but because you were once unprotected.

 5. You fear your own authenticity.

 If being honest or expressive once led to punishment, rejection, or abandonment, your body remembers.

 So now, when you try to speak up, set boundaries, or show who you truly are…

Your throat tightens. Shame floods your system. Your heart races.

 Your protective self whispers: “Stay small. Stay safe.”

But staying small is slowly suffocating the real you.

So How Do We Get Our Authentic Self Out of the Trunk?

This can feel overwhelming, especially if you’ve lived most of your life from the protective self. Often times we want to fling that trunk open, let our authenticity out and 'get rid of' the protective self but that does not work!!!!

The trick to cptsd recovery is to start small. If we move too fast, the protective self has more power over what we do than our authentic self. Here are some tips that were helpful for me and that I teach others in the School of Transformation.

1. Befriend Your Protective Self.

You can’t hate or shame this part of you into healing.

It needs acknowledgment. Gratitude. A sense of safety.

2. Practice Micro-Moments of Safety.

Instead of trying to “heal everything overnight,” start with 30 seconds.

• Feel the weight of a cozy blanket or pillow.
• Watch sunlight dance on the wall.
• Sip something warm and really taste it.

Let your body register: “Right now, I am safe.”

These micro-moments rewire your brain faster than hours of overthinking ever could.

3. Let Your Real Self Be Seen in Tiny Ways.

Authenticity doesn’t have to be a big leap.

Start with something small:

• Wear a color you love.
• Say how you really feel—to yourself, in your journal, or to someone safe.
• Play a song that makes you feel alive.

Every time you show up as you, you crack the trunk open a little wider.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken. You’re Protected.

CPTSD doesn’t mean you’re too damaged to heal—it means you’ve been surviving longer than anyone should have to.

But now it’s time to do more than survive.

At the School of Transformation, we teach you how to gently reconnect with your body, release stored trauma, and safely invite your authentic self to lead.

Because the life you’re longing for—the one where you’re not faking, forcing, or fearing—is already inside you.

You just need a safe path to return to it.

And we’re here to walk it with you.

If this resonated, we invite you to explore the School of Transformation.

You don’t have to keep living from the protective self.

You can come home to you—fully, safely, and in your own time.

Learn more about the School of Transformation here.